I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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