I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
