I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
