I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
