Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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