A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
