Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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