Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
