what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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