i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
