whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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