mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
