nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
