I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
