I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Randomize
