please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
