its not stalking. its research.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
