My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
