I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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