Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
