The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
