If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
