The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
