I'm really into asian looking animals
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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