hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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