OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
