Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
