i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
