hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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