Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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