I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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