I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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