my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
