Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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