We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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