I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
