You made me cry and you don't even care
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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