anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
