I wish my penis had an off switch
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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