I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
