i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
