someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
