She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
