You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
