Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
