HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
