my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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