cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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