Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Someone came in the potted fern
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
