Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
