why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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