I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
