if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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