What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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