my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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