hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
