I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
