WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize