i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
