Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
