theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
