I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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