don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
