she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
