i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
