You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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