Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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