i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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