i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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