Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
