I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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