I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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