I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
