New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
