4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
